Nikki, it seems like my love life is going in one circle after another. Every time I break up with someone, I meet another person and I wind up breaking up with them the same way! How can I break this miserable cycle?”
Michelle, 23, female
Well, Michelle, the only consent variable in this equation is…You. Maybe if you modify your behavior (in any aspect that you choose), your current situation will also change. Ask yourself a few questions before you decide to get involved with someone else. Are you moving too fast? What was the consequence that last time you made this decision? Do you have a fear of being alone? If so, why? Hopefully by answering these questions, you will figure out how to break the cycle before it starts again. Good luck Sweetie!
My fiancé wants me to get some cosmetic work done before we get married.
I constantly tell him that I like myself, just the way I am but he insists. Am I being selfish if I ignore his wishes? After all, I’m supposed to keep him happy.
Aaron 37, male
Aaron, honey, no. You’re not being selfish at all to ignore his wishes. You are being an individual with at least some common sense! Where did you get the idea that it was your job to keep him happy? It’s HIS Job to keep him happy, and your job is to keep yourself happy. If you both take responsibility for your own happiness, neither one of you will be forced to fulfill ridiculous obligations, such as unnecessary cosmetic surgery. If he thinks you need it, and he’s up-happy that you refuse to get it done, tell him to love you “flaws and all” or to find someone perfect.
My ex attends my school. She and I broke up about, three months ago. Ironically, I just started dating a female in one of my classes, and my ex is making my life a living hell. I don’t know what to do. I still love my ex, but I’m NOT in love with her anymore”
Ebony, it’s always hard to tell someone that you no longer are in love with them, but the fact is, it happens. People fall out of love all the time and because it’s not something planned, it’s kind of hard to explain. Clearly, your ex hasn’t moved on because she too involved in your love life to develop one of her own. Let her know how she is making you feel. Tell her that she is making you miserable. If she cares anything about you, she will take a few steps back and respect your new relationship.
Thought of the week:
“When the Pain of where you are becomes greater than the fear of where you going, you’ll move.”