Nicole Bettis Nicole Bettis

Coming From Where I’m From
By Nicole Bettis

A lot of us have questions about relationships, coming out and family issues, but we just don’t feel comfortable talking to the people in our circle. Fears of being judged and mistreated are enough to stop any of us from seeking the advice we need. I know. I’ve been there. I didn’t have a space where I was free to ask whatever I wanted and receive great feedback, but you do. This article is dedicated to you. You can ask absolutely anything you want from “how to tell her you like her” to “where to tie the knot.” You can even write in anonymously. It’s totally up to you. There are no limits. In each issue you will receive advice from yours truly and maybe even realize that there is someone else out there in your exact situation. If I haven’t been there, I know someone who has. Coming from where I’m from, that means a lot.

My girlfriend is pressuring me to move in her. I love her but I don’t want mess up a good thing. I feel like as soon as we move in together everything will change.
Erica, 24, female
Spring Grove, PA

As soon as you move in, everything WILL change. Her bills will become “our” bills and her bedroom will belong to the both of you. You two will have to learn to share space without crowding the other person and figure out what pet peeves you both have, and so on. It is a big step and I don’t blame you for being hesitant. But, sometimes change is good. Find out what the big rush is for you to move in and tell her why you’re a bit apprehensive. If she loves you, she will wait.

Nikki, my boy-friend keeps sending me mixed signals; One day he wants me to be aggressive and the next day I’m not feminine enough. WTF?
Alex, 24, male
Bowie, MD

Alex, It seems like your boyfriend is confused about what it is that he wants in a mate. If I were you, I would STOP conforming to what he wants and just be myself. It’s hard enough trying to change yourself to make someone else happy, but it’s damn near impossible to please someone who doesn’t know what he wants.

Could you tell me where a femme’s place is.?
Jessica, 28, female
Washington, DC

LOL. It sounds like some big-headed “Dom” told you that you should stay in a femme’s place too many times. Don’t you hate that? ”Stay in a Femme’s Place”, as if feminine women are children and should mind their parents (doms). Well, Jessica, in my opinion a femme’s place is anywhere she wants to be. Someone needs to tell these doms that wearing pants doesn’t make them men and being a femme doesn’t make this the 1950’s.

I am a very affectionate person, but I feel like I’m getting on my girlfriends nerves. She never wants to cuddle or kiss or anything. What am I doing wrong…?
Amber, 22, female
Baltimore, MD

Well, maybe you’re smothering her. A lot of affectionate people (like myself) can be overly affectionate or over-bearing. We don’t mean it, but that’s just how we express our love. Try expressing your love for her in other ways—cook for her or write her a poem. Let her initiate the physical contact. That way you will be sure she wants it at the time and you won’t be rejected.

Tags: Nikki


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