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Again not knowing where to start, but simply allowing myself to write what I feel and think about this topic, I put on some music to create the mood for a writing atmosphere. I select a song that has given me my start—Billy Preston’s “Me and Mrs. Jones”…. Now there’s a good place to start…

As a little girl in New York City… in a Harlem apartment… I was the youngest girl and, for many reasons, felt something was different about me from a very young age…. Anyway, I remember an older sister brought home her Puerto Rican girlfriend name “Nelli”. I was like most annoying little sisters, so she quickly introduced me as her baby sister in hopes that I would go away. Nelli was very sweet… smiled at me and said with her sexy Spanish accent: “Ohhhh, she so cute.” lol. I stood about three feet tall and I thought to myself as I looked at her: “And so are you!”… lol… I was probably five or six years old… That was the beginning of my today….

At the age of ten, while in elementary school, I had this teacher named Mrs. Jones. Having fallen in strong like for her… I bought her the 45 of “Me & Mrs. Jones” by Billy Preston and gave it to her… lol… I can’t tell you exactly what I was feeling… but I do know it was a rather strong affection towards Mrs. Jones. Now that I think about it… for many years to come… I’ve been giving gifts to women to show my affection ever since, and trust me, I’ve spent a small fortune! lol

By the time I was fifteen, I ended up in Baltimore and found myself sitting on a set of famous marble stairs having what I call… “My Lucy Moment”… where I kinda snapped my fingers so I would wake up from what I dared to believe was true. Then, shaking my head as if to shake it off and come to my senses of course… lol… I only found after several snaps & shakes, that it wasn’t working. So, I calmly thought to myself… ahhh man… like I don’t have enough other $h*t going on in my life… Sheeezzz! Oh well…
So, after being in the closet for about fifteen minutes on those stairs, I accepted the realization that I was definitely… without a doubt… quite gay…. Sounds like a pretty easy way of coming out, huh? Well, it was… for me… lol. I think some of my friends & family stayed in the closet much longer… and their acceptance of My Sexuality was not as easy of a thing for them as it was for me. I’ve never been able to figure out why other people struggle with someone else’s sexuality… hummm….

Anyway, needless to say, for the coming years, I proceeded to enjoy my attraction to women coast to coast… and they seem to enjoy me too. I was so comfortable with my sexuality, but because there has always been so much more to me, it was just one part of who I was. Naturally, I have always felt like all women deserved to be treated like queens and I, of course, practiced that to the best of my ability. In my experiences with the different makes and models of women, I learned a lot about myself and about women…. On the up side I’ve become a better partner… lover… and wife. On the down side, those relationships ended as a result of life lessons for us all…. So we’re back on the upside of things and I now bring my best to a relationship. That I believe comes from being conscious in this life we live and not just in it for the ride like some spectator… being aware of all that happens and adding it to our file of life experiences… getting out what we’re supposed to… discarding what we shouldn’t use any more… and getting excited about the new stuff we’ve picked up along the way.
While this is always done with my most honest effort, the person I am evolving into may frighten some people…because so few have done work on themselves. Think about it: We should all be better than we were before our last relationship… which means the next person we love will get our very best.

Now the question is: Where is this person? Is this person ready for you and you for them? Most days my self-esteem is healthy and I’m on my best… but it will take time, patience and prayer. I find being single to be puzzling because you start to question yourself and wonder if you should open your options in different areas of dating. I’ve had a “white could be right” moment a few times… lol… and I have actually came to understand how successful blacks can end up with whites. Take it easy sisters. I’m just sharing my experience…. I do think that all people should be with who they choose. What’s also interesting is that when I was skipping around and having fun—unstable, unfaithful and emotionally unavailable—I had no shortage of women. Now that I’m responsible, faithful, emotionally on-point and unselfish, I’m beginning to think that being a “good catch” is a bit over-rated… lol. I do know that patience is a form of action, so I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing as I wait for My Rock!

You know when I think about it, all little girls want to be in love. So, why is it that when we become women we’re frightened by the very thing that we’ve always dreamed and fantasized about our whole lives? We must not allow bad turns in the road of our lives to ever keep us from driving on to where we want to go. That I believe is a big part of what’s happening in this silly, sad ass world we live in…. Everybody’s so disgustingly wounded from the past, that many refuse to get back into the ring so they can have a future. They’re scared to death… that somebody’s gonna hurt ‘em again. Here’s a secret: More people want to be in love and happy than those who don’t. We must trust in true love again…. We have always got to remember young love and when we we’ve been happy… and never let that feeling die. We must want it enough again… that we give love one more try. To live for today and to love for tomorrow is the wisdom of a fool… because tomorrow is promised to no one. You see, love is that wonderful thing that we all need and if you think that for one minute that you can live without it, then you’re only fooling yourself. We’ve come much too far with life not to be happily ever after in it. You can conquer the world… but, without love…ya got nothin at all!

It really doesn’t matter how big your house or your d!*k is… how much money you have or make… how pretty or how handsome you are… what kind of car you drive or what college degrees you have… how great you are in bed or how big or small your breasts are… what you do or don’t do for a living… where you’ve been or plan to go… what diseases you have or don’t have… who you’ve f*@k*d… who you’re f*ck!#g… and/or who wants to f*@k you… who your mama or you daddy is… what you’ve owned, currently own or plan on owning… whose house you’ve been over and whose been over yours…. None of it matters because without Love, Ya got nothin!

Now, if you think I’m wrong, add all that s#!t up and think about how it compares to the most important thing in life—loving someone & having someone love you!

Well, as always, I too get something out of writing this column… lol… I can’t wait to hear from you. Have the most wonderful holiday you can. 2009 is going to be a fantastic year for this world… show up and be in it for all its worth and all it has to offer. Celebrate life on a daily basis. Every day is a reason to be grateful for what we’ve had in life… what we now have… and in some cases… what we don’t have. Most importantly, be grateful for what we believe is on its way to our lives. There’s nothing like being grateful in advance… lol! Too many people miss their share of happiness… not because they never found it, but because they never stopped to enjoy it. Remember to try loving ourselves the right way, so we are completely ready to love someone else when they show up… oh, and they will… they always do! Happy New Year!

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